Chalk, Chalk, Get Your Chalk

By The Enema Canal
Shecums Sum-Times

Hashed Double Deuce (22) May 2008, Half before 8PM
The Hidden Shamrock at 2723 N. Halsted
 

THIRSTDAY #241 – Welcome to the land of one dollar (0.37 Euro cent) PBRs. It's a glorious place where the 1893 Chicago World's Fair Blue Ribbed (for her pleasure) winner outsells those fancy-shmansy beers like Delirium Tremens or Stella Artois by a ratio of 1.3 to 1 (Ha! Eat that Belgium with your fancy waffles and European Union). Of course such a place only exists at the Hidden Shamrock, the oldest Irish pub between the 2800 and the 2600 block of N. Halsted.

Only HORN-E would pick such a bar as this to hare out of which greatly upset the pack as there was too much ample roadside parking and being 0.6 miles (1.0 kilometers [What!? Even their distances are worth more?]) from the Fullerton Red/Brown Line. It has recently come to the attention of some members of the pack that HORN-E may be involved in FRB intelligence gathering as his trails are becoming more and more confusing (at least to THE ENEMA CANAL).

 

RAM VAN THANK YOU MA'AM was nice enough to bring a virgin along, JUST AARON, whom would likely get left behind if we sent him off on a check. Unfortunately, recent rulings have determined this to be un-hashmanlike behavior and so we try to keep an eye on virgins. In actuality we only do this because of the presence of ALCOHOLIDAY from Las Vegas (de la Nevada Consuela Esperanza-Smith) HHH would likely tattle on us to our mother hash.

 

As we moved out to the Chalk Talk the remaining daylight confirmed that MAN O WHORE, our local slave to fashion, was in fact wearing a vintage Bohemian-inspired Hash shirt (shocking). HORN-E explained the marks to the very perplexed and vexed JUST AARON, while the rest of us were trying the get the song "Fill Me Buttercup" out of our heads. We introduced ourselves to each other, this time officially, and then headed On-Out.

 

So ENEMA came upon the 1st Check and took the wrong trail leaving CUNT AND PASTIES and MAN O WHORE to keep the pack on the true trail after the first check (okay, okay. ENEMA failed the first 4 checks, thus causing the kennel hostility as he continually led them into falses). HORN-E was sweeping ahead(?) with JUST STEVE ensuring the kennel stayed on trail which he did with a 92% success rate, as we somehow lost RAM VAN. This was fine as she showed up later with a box of chalk that matched her outfit. Unfortunately, giving chalk to all the hashers then started a "tag war" between DR. POOLITTLE, STUMP HUMPER, and PRINCESS LABIA as they soon started to mark their territory.

ENEMA with his uncanny sense of direction, missed the Beer Stop and made that difficult decision between heading back to the On-In or go and find the Beer Stop. Well he arrived last to the Beer Stop half out of breath and almost all out of sense. REAR LOADER took this opportunity to explains the merits of Vespa-ing. With beer consumed, and breaths caught we headed back to the On-In.

Appearing at the On-In was one of the expected and some of the un-expected. As always EZ ON THE ASS was there to greet us as we returned to the Hidden Shamrock. The unasked question is since EZ started working at the penetrationery is whether or not his friends in the orange jumpsuits know his hash name is EZ ON THE ASS, hmmmmmm. VIRGIN BANGER, RENT-A-VIRGIN, and SMELL THIS (The Founder of the Thirstday Hash although I noticed that Wikipedia does not mention this at all) were also present showing off the Spring Collection from designer Not-ON-aca which would be offered at an upcoming Chicago Hash.

 

The Circle was convened and HAPPY ASS GRABBER leads us in religion, with the exception of the 2 times he lost control of the Circle. Rather than show us a body part (thank you God) ALCOHOLIDAY sang us "24 Hours to Go (I Masturbated)" and we recognized accomplishment and offenses. IT'S TOO SOFT was cited for tech on trail and REAR LOADER was cited for his overcompetitiveness as the FRB. FBI was shared but the purse chalk carrying RAM VAN and STUMP HUMPER. Rockstar was also STUMP HUMPER and Sex Kitten was PR…wait a minute! This isn't my handwriting. Who wrote this and what does "infrigative" mean? Spell check doesn't even recognize it! Maybe Urban Dictionary dot com…one sec…nope, not there either. Well later on CALVIN KLEIN, CHICKEN STIFFER, MOAN ON TRAIL, and BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED showed up…and I am confident of this because that note is in my own handwriting.

 

So for those keeping spreadsheets that's

1 hare – Horn-E

1 visitor – Alcoholiday (La Vegas)

1 virgin – Just Aaron

11 hashers – Dr. Poolittle, Princess Labia, Stump Humper, It's Too Soft, Ram Van Thank You Ma'am, Cunt and Pasties, The Enema Canal, Man O Whore, Just Steve, Rear Loader, Happy Ass Grabber,

And 8 late cummers/may or may not counters – EZ on the Ass, Virgin Banger, Smell This, Calvin Klein, Batteries Not Included, Rent-A-Virgin, Moan On Trail, and Chicken Stiffer.