The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash #429
Thu, Feb 9, 2012 by Horn-E
…This trail with its hares was about honoring Sphincter Grease, just returning from Afghanistan, for his tour of duty. Well done. The other hares were Return To Gender from Madison and EZ On The Ass. The bar was the Atlantic, and there was about 30 trail hounds at the start. Well done. We took off to the south with a quick Check. I saw Hoosier Daddy flying down Lincoln like he knew something. Like maybe seeing the marks on his way to the bar. He never returned, while everyone else went off on a False. So upon returning, Horn-E led us south and the FRBs soon passed him and we were on to the east and a quick beer check. Huh. But off again to the west on a zigzag course that led to some real easy shortcutting and Hoosier Daddy and Horn-E did just that and came upon Happy Ass Grabber a few blocks later checking out a Check. And we were On and leading to the west until we got to a park and Happy Ass Grabber and the pack soon passed us. From here we came to a Check at a bridge. Now normally I would think, over the bridge and all of the parks there. Wrong. It was north through the east side park and I spent the rest of the night playing catchup as the pack went north in the park, under a road in a tunnel and on to the northeast. We DFLs struggled to keep each other in sight and the rest of the pack. I almost caught up to Ginger Snatch as she was checking out a Split, but the pack went the other way and she was soon gone. We got back to the pack as they came south on Western and we missed the turn north. We finely got lucky. We crossed Western and headed east on an angled street. Hmmm. The front of the pack is missing. That means a turn to the south and Horn-E headed for an alley and saw some front runners ahead. Blowing the horn, a bunch of us caught a short cut and we ran on and south to a big park where the pack was gathering for a beer stop. Beer? Coors Light? Finely someone showed up with some PBR. But it was getting cold and we soon filtered off to the west and the bar.
…..The back room had some trivia game going on so we had to take over the front of the bar. Actually drove a large table of civilians out of the area. Sorry guys, but when the Dark Kunt takes over circle, she takes no prisoners. And a hearty circle was held. We could finally quit listening to the visitors bitching about a four mile trail being to long. I know everyone calls it a drinking club with a running problem. Well, run. Actually it is a running club that has no problem drinking beer. Finally the Dark Kunt put on her edible candy thong and was attacked by hungry hounds eating away at her crotch. I was wondering, was she farting all over that candy. Eat away guys and girls. I’m sure there will be pitchers posted. You’ll have to check that out for yourself. Circle finally ended and the pack settled into eating and drinking. I know I left well after midnight when Just Mike offered me a ride part way home. Good time. Hounds on trail, as best as I can remember included Chippendale, Fistful Of Pricks, Drill In My Box, Dick In The Box, Little Trojan Annie, O’Shitty Runch, Bubbles, from Waukesha, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown, Whoreo, W Jew 40, Just Vincenzo, Glitter Spitter, That Thing That Vibrates, Glory Hole, Just Mike, Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off (yeah, she’s still around. Summer must be just around the corner), Furry Spice, Silent But Deadly, Just Lilly, Two Hair Nets, Pecker Mache, Dick Licker, Eaten Alive. I also saw a litter of House Puppies, Rotton, Cock Whisperer, String Theory, Its Too Soft, and Salty Gash.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash #428
Thu, Feb 2, 2012 by Horn-E
…..Glory Hole and Hood Whorenament laid this trail out of Rebel and we had 28 trail Hounds at the start, and one late comer, Chippendale, managed to run most of the trail just missing the second beer stop. We started out to the south and a Check. That left me off to the east across a lot of traffic when the trail was found to the south and then west under the El tracks. The hares got tricky here as the trail went up to a fence at a school yard. No one climbed the fence. In stead they wandered around in confusion and I managed to catch up and eventually followed Chicken Stifer who was now ranging around the schoolyard on the east side. Meanwhile Lifa ranged around the schoolyard and found trail in the school yard. Horn-E thought he heard a Check called as Lifa exited the schoolyard at the south end. So, being at an intersection, he went east and saw one mark. He yelled On One and Chicken Stifer yelled you’re On. So he blew the horn and headed east. Horn-E really wasn’t yet, but luckily he did turn out to be On and we soon headed south after the next intersection. Remember, “The first shall be last and the last shall be first and so it was written and so it shall be done.” The fleet feet soon passed me and they encountered another fence jump. Well done hares. But by then the pack found the way around the fence and saved me from climbing. I’d probable still be hanging from the top of the fence if I did try to climb it. But we ran on, under some more tracks and soon back to Sheffield and down an alley to the rooftop of Its Too Soft’s apartment. He didn’t know we were coming and wasn’t home. Fortunately no one stopped us and we cleaned up the beer cans after. From here I fell behind as the trail went over to Clark, and the six corner Intersection. this headed east and we ended up going north on Broadway until a Check(?) or turn at Roscoe. At this point I was in the back with two bimbos from Guam. I may be old and slow but I’m not stupid. We missed the turn and finally we just headed back to the bar missing the second Beer Stop. Chippendale came in shortly behind us, missing the same point, so apparently it wasn’t that obvious to one or two, but a pack of over 20, someone managed to spot it. And soon they all managed to come on in.
…..Pretty soon our RA, The Dark Kunt started the circle and the beer was flowing. Eventually we met our visitors, Panty Raider, Silent But Deadly and Just Lilly from Guam. And we also met some virgins, Just Tony, Just Kelly and Just Stephanie. Gee, I hope I got that right. Anyway, welcome to Chicago and the Thirstday Hash. Come on back and try some of the other hashes in town. The circle soon ended and so did the night as the beer soon ended. Others on trail included Just Rob, W Jew 40, The Least Interesting Man In The World, Glitter Spitter, That Thing That Vibrates, Furry Spice, Ginger Snatch, Just Larissa, House Of The Rising Sun, Lifa, Four Score In The Back Door, Salty Gash, Hoosier Daddy, Just Vincenzo, Malort My Ass, Poultry Fucker, Ice Princess, O’Shitty Runch, and Drill In My Box. We had three House Puppies, Just Laurie, Caught Red Headed and Way To Much Jism.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash #427
Thu, Jan 26, 2012 by Horn-E
…..We ran out of Black Rock on Damen and our hares were Master Debater and The Least Interesting Man In The World. I think I counted 24 hounds at the start. The idea of having a virgin set a trail with a veteran, even The Least Interesting Man In The World, is that he learns from the veteran. But after about two blocks we had a T and E Split and The Least Interesting Man In The World took off on a partial live trail and I never saw him again. Apparently a few, very few followed him. Lifa found a great loop, the pack got lost in another loop with no obvious exit and very few made it to the beer stop. I didn’t know I was on the T trail and we ran back and forth some more and finally headed North West to a Split and a False. Unfortunately part of the Split disappeared and we didn’t know it was there. So we are now heading back almost a mile looking for a Split we missed or all of the way back to the T and E Split. Just Vincenso passed me and did just that and went off on the Eagle trail. I lost a small pack and did that myself, finally saying to hell with this and going back to the bar. There I found Salty Gash, Hood Whorenament and EZ On The Ass playing House Puppy. Meanwhile some occasionally found marks that just faded on the wet pavement and most found nothing, running and walking everywhere. The hare, Master Debater returned worried that he lost the slow pack, which was most of us. He did say he found W Jew 40 and Little Trojan Annie breathing hard. Not sure if it was sex or she was having another Asthma attack. But he directed them to the beer stop. Meanwhile, I joined the House Puppies to the back room and the fireplace and waited as the pack slowly trickled on in. almost last in was That Thing That Vibrates who had Hash Cash. Finally the beer started to flow and Happy Ass Grabber got the circle going.
…..At one point, Glory Hole made an announcement. An old friend, Bloody Asshole, was supposedly missing in the wilderness outside Las Vegas. About ten days. His car was found and he apparently headed out, jogging or hiking into some canyon. Glory Hole was taking donations to help the search teams. Bloody Asshole ran his first trail several years ago on Chinese New Years, at zero degrees, in shorts. Bloody legs ripped up running through frozen snow. His next trail was a Bushman and again, bloody legs. And he would continually run in sub freezing to zero degree weather in shorts and without a shirt. Fast runner too. Had to be to generate enough heat to do that. He was named here and finally moved to Las Vegas to go to school. As of this writing, he is still missing and there still is no news.
…..Who else was there. We had two visitors, Itchy Vagina and Famming Flaggot. Also there was Are They Real, Mount Schwiinga, Chicken Stifer, Fistful Of Pricks, Ginger Snatch, Crop Duster, Just Hattie, Malort My Ass, Poultry Fucker, Bar Fly, Sandy Syphilis. PlatyPussy, Just Mike and virgin Just Kelly. And five late coming House Puppies, Chunder Pussy, Back Door County, Furry Spice, Just Kate and Caught Red Headed. Actually he tried to get here on time. Took the El to Belmont and tried to transfer to the Brown Line. Instead he got on a Purple Line train and rode all of the way to Evanston. Then returned on another Purple Line. finally getting a Brown Line train to arrive just before the pack. If he wasn’t already named, we have some good material there.
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash #426
Thu, Jan 19, 2012 by Horn-E
…..W Jew 40 and Just Mike laid this A to B trail out of Cleo’s. Thanks to a CTA detour, I arrived at 8:00, well after they left and just in time to see PlattyPussy arrive back at the bar. Unfortunately he wasn’t supposed to arrive back at the bar. He lost the pack and the trail. Yeah, PlattyPussy. Inside we found the injured and not running Furry Spice who would soon drive over to the finish. There we found W Jew 40 waiting in a car, with beer. Fine, we could wait, warm, and drink beer. Not. He brings us into a loading dock and raises the door for the soon to arrive pack. Not. He swore that GPS had it at about 3.25 miles for this frigid hash. Like Zero Degrees. That means no degrees. So about 8:20 we were standing in this little hovel, freezing. PlattyPussyhas these gloves where there is a little hole that you can uncover and blow your warm breath on your hands to warm them. Talk about a right handed blow job. The pack arrived about a half hour later. We were getting numb.
…..But the pack didn’t look to bad off. Running generates heat. Tell that to Glitter Spitter. And Little Orphan Annie was having another asthma attack while shivering. Finally the DFL, Hoosier Daddy arrived and we could go into W Jew 40′s band’s practice room and turn on some space heaters.
…..Happy Ass Grabber soon called the circle together and the hares got many a down down. Hoosier Daddy got one for using a stick to poke a frozen pile of sh*t for about five minutes to see if it would come alive. No, it wasn’t The Thing. It went down hill from there. PlatyPussy got one for being the reincarnation of Horn-E complete with horns and a well trimmed beard that looked like it came from a mop. Chippendale took another collection for pizza. At least this time he didn’t order five olive pizzas. Anchovies. We actually saw sausages too. No, not Chippendales. And Pull My Pork told about going to the hospital to see our GM just as she woke up from some surgery (new and bigger boobs?). Her comment was. “You’re here.” He must really want those boobs. But we all appreciate her and Horn-E sang a song for her. “Our GM’s in the hospital, she’s just like a vegetable, we’ll do most anything to keep her alive.” With four verses yet. Nice call Horn-E. But all was good and we ate and drank and then headed out into the frigid wilderness. The other Trail Hounds included That Thing That Vibrates, Dr. Fudge Knuckles, Ginger Snatch, Drill In My Box and Just Vincenzo
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The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash #424
Thu, Jan 5, 2012 by Horn-E
…..This was a trail by Happy Ass Grabber and Just Hattie laying for the first time. And then she had to leave for work. We were promised an outdoor short circle so we mostly dressed for it. Yeah sure. We took off straight west and mostly kept up with that. Finally the trail seemed to turn back towards the east when the FRBs missed a Check in a field. But Happy Ass Grabber caught them and yelled Check. So the following Horn-E headed for an obvious underpass when he spotted an arrow. West. And soon he had three and called On On. At the next Triple Split he headed for another underpass. Unfortunately the trail didn’t and went north instead to a point where the pack found two beers to share. From here we headed west some more and soon we were getting stretched out. Perfect time for a loop and that is what we got. Soon the trailing Horn-E saw the pack returning, being led by Four More In The Back Door. Looking around, there was a mark and Horn-E was in front again. Remember, the first shall be last and the last shall be first, and so it is written and so it shall be done.” again and again. Horn-E took a split to the left and found a Back Check. Now he was last coming up to the next mini beer stop. Damn. But we were soon heading through an underpass and now back to the east. We are now running in neighborhood streets and that old man is falling behind again. So as the pack goes left, right, Horn-E follows a block to the north. And soon enough he hits a street and Tampon Tampoff is running towards him. He is yelling Check. so Horn-E picks up on it and Checks to the north. Nothing. Crossing the street he heads south after Tampon Tampoff when he spots an arrow on a window ledge. Window Ledge? That is nasty. But Horn-E got lucky again. So he heads north and after a long block he is finally ON. We got lucky on that one. But the pack soon catches up and we run on to the beer stop in a field where there is beer hidden in a bush.
…..And so we start a circle. Good sipping beers and cheap down down beers. And Glitter Spitter yelling and panicking about all of the burrs in her,,,, or on her. Finally as we are getting to the freezing limits, Tampon Tampoff mentions that he lives across the street. WHAT? WHAT? And you leave us out here freezing. So we head over there and continue the circle. Nice place. One bedroom, two bathroom apartment. Huh. After the circle Tampon Tampoff brings out his pet. Now all of you bimbos need to listen to this. If Tampon Tampoff ever invites you to his place to see his snake, it isn’t what you think. And when he mentions the size, 4.5, it isn’t inches. And if he tells you it will lick you and wrap itself all around you, believe it. And if you feel anything wrapping itself tightly around you, make sure it is his arms and not his snake. This one doesn’t squirt, it swallows. Of course the real dangerous one is still the one that squirts. I’ll bet he calls it Cobra.
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