TH3: The best reason to call in sick on Fridays

Hymnal

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Thirstday Choir Practice #2
Drunkenly Compiled by Wang Chunks

The Independence Tap (3932 W Irving Park Rd)
Wednesday, May 9, 2012 at 7:30pm

We’re back for another round of trail-less hash antics–perhaps you’ll learn a new song or two in the process.  As usual, everyone sounds better after a few drinks–so please throw a few back before attempting any of the material below.  Finally, here are your choir practice reminders:

  1. Most of these songs have been blatantly stolen.  In some cases, credit has been assigned.  Probably incorrectly.
  2. There are dozens of different versions of every hash song.  These might be different than the ones you’ve heard.  Oh, well.
  3. This time around, we’ve got a handful of songs that haven’t been such terribly often in Chicago area hashes.  If you like them, we can change that.  Also, if you’d like to see specific songs featured in future choir practices, just yell more loudly than the other assholes in the room.

 

Today’s Songs

  1. Big Swinging Tits
  2. Puff the Magic Tampon
  3. My D-N-A
  4. A Pintful of Lager (Makes the Harriettes Go Down)
  5. Take My Drunk Ass Home
  6. I Don’t Want to be a Housewife
  7. Get It Up, Get It In, Get It Out
  8. Hey There Vagina

 

 Big Swinging Tits

Big swinging tits (4x)            [motion similar to the beginning of “Swing Low”]

Bite the nipple and suck that tit (6x)    [progressively out of control until exhausted]

 

 

Puff the Magic Tampon

Sung to the tune of “Puff The Magic Dragon” by Peter Paul and Mary

 

Puff, The Magic Tampon

Lived between her knees,

And frolicked in that awfulness

Of filthy yeast and cheese!

 

Then one day it happened,

Puffy sprang a leak.

But don’t complain you sleazy bitch,

He’s been in your box all week!

 

 

My D-N-A

Sung to the tune of “Y-M-C-A” by The Village People

 

Young girl, love it when you go down

I said young girl, put your knees on the ground

Young girl, make your lips full and round

Oh you make me so happy

 

Young girl, your dress is so blue

I said young girl, wanna spray it with spooge

So just lay there

And I’ll try to be kind

If it gets in your eye you’re blind

Squirt-Squirt-Squirt-Squirt

 

I want to spray you with my D-N-A

I want to spray you with my D-N-A

Just a present from me

I give to all of the girls

I hope you like to wear pearls…

 

 

A Pintful of Lager (Makes the Harriettes Go Down)

Sung to the tune of “A Spoonful of Sugar” from Mary Poppins

 

A pintful of lager makes the harriettes go down

The harriettes go down

The harriettes go down

A pintful of lager makes the harriettes go down

In a most delightful way!

 

 

Take My Drunk Ass Home

Adapted from “Take My Drunk Ass Home” by Luke Bryan

 

It’s time to take my drunk ass home

I drank all the hash beer and my money’s all gone

Hit on all the girls, sang every song

It’s time to take my drunk ass home

 

Yeah, it’s time to take my drunk ass home

I twisted up my ankle, can’t find my cell phone

Yeah, my lip’s all busted and my buzz is gone

It’s time to take my drunk ass home

 

 

I Don’t Want to be a Housewife

A harriettes’ song to the tune of “I Don’t Want to Join the Army”

 

I don’t want to be a housewife

I’d much rather be a whore

I’ve love to turn some tricks

Involving twelve-inch pricks

House work’s such a bore (gorblimey!)

 

I don’t want to do his fucking laundry

I don’t want to cook his fucking food

‘Cuz if I’m gettin’ laid

I should be gettin’ paid

But as it is I’m only getting screwed

 

 

Get It Up, Get It In, Get It Out

Sung to the tune of the Bonanza theme song

 

[Wankers’ version]

 

Get it up, get it in, get it out

Now here’s your cab fare

It was great but, gee, it’s late

It’s time for your to go

 

I shot my load, now hit the road

Don’t call me, I’ll call you

 

Get it up, get it in, get it out

Now here’s your cab fare

It was great but, gee, it’s late

It’s time for your to go

 

 

[Bimbos’ version]

 

Get it up, get it in, get it out

Don’t mess my hairdo

You’ve got a dick, but you should lick

Move that tongue around

 

Hit the spot, make me hot,

Then I’ll scream out loud

 

Get it up, get it in, get it out

Don’t mess my hairdo

You’ve got a dick, but you should lick

Move that tongue around

 

 

Hey There Vagina

Sung to the tune of “Hey There Delilah” by Plain White T’s

 

Hey there vagina

You’re a fragrant little kitty

With your landing strip and camel toe

To me you seem so pretty

Yes you do

You know what I just want to do

Is punish you

 

Hey there vagina

You’re a fancy little beaver

Let my penis play the quarterback

And you can be receiver

Yes it’s true

I’ll throw a touchdown inside you

Yes it’s true

 

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, now I have this STD

Oh, it’s what you do to me

Oh, you little penis sleeve

 

I love your little heart-shaped box

Your pair of lips that never talks

It’s everything a man could ever want

The only problem in this world

Is you’re connected to a girl

And that makes you annoying in the end

In the end

 

Hey there vagina

You’re a man’s reason for living

You can make the most frugile

gentleman become quite giving

Yes, it’s true

You sausage wallet, I love you

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Thirstday Choir Practice #1
Drunkenly Compiled by Wang Chunks

Chris’s Northland Tavern (1610 W North Ave)
Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 6pm

So happy to know that you’re interested in learning a new song or two.  Please remember that everyone sounds better after a few drinks–so please loosen up those pipes before attempting any of the material below.  A few additional notes:

  1. Most of these songs have been blatently stolen.  In some cases, credit has been assigned.  Probably incorrectly.

 

  1. There are dozens of different versions of every hash song.  These might be different than the ones you’ve heard.  Oh, well.

 

  1. This set of songs below is intended to be a mix of short and long songs, new and old songs, originals and parodies, some you’ve heard at Thirstday H3 and others you haven’t.  If you’d like to see specific songs featured in future choir practices, just yell more loudly than the other assholes in the room.

Today’s Songs

  1. She Likes It In The Kitchen
  2. Love Me Tender
  3. The Thirstday Cheer
  4. Out My Back Door
  5. You’re a Shitty Hare
  6. Some Die From Masturbation
  7. Nellie Darlin’
  8. The Scotsman

 1. She Likes it in the Kitchen

She likes it in the kitchen
She likes it in the kitchen
She likes it in the kitchen
And kitchen means butt

 2. Love Me Tender

Love me tender, love me sweet
Wrap your lips around my meat

Watch me chuckle, watch me grin
As my cum drips down, down, down, down

 3. The Thirstday Cheer
Note: This song is traditionally performed by 3-5 harriettes in circle who pantomime random cheerleading poses while serenading the pack.

Cocksucker, motherfucker, eat a bag of shit
Cunt hair, douche bag, bite your mama’s tit
We are the Thirstday Hash
All the others suck
Thirstday Hash
Thirstday Hash
Shit!  Piss!  Fuck!

4. Out My Back Door
Tune: Lookin’ Out My Back Door by CCR

Just got out of prison,
My asshole’s still-a-fizzin’,
Dreamin’ ’bout my friends
I left behind in cell block four.
They raped me in the showers,
It must have been for hours.
Now GOO, GOO, GOO’s running
Out my back door!

 5. You’re a Shitty Hare
Tune: Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi
Notes: Sung to hares for shit-tastic trails.  Written by Krusty the Meat Miser.

You should’ve used more flour or chalk
We followed your marks
They said “You’ve been fucked”
It sucked
It sucked

We wanted to drink Magic Hat
But lost on your trail
We’d have settled for Pabst
You suck
You suck

You’ve got to hold on to the drink you’ve got
It doesn’t make a difference if it’s beer or a shot
This is for the tit checks you forgot… on trail…    (NOTE: Show tits)
You’re drinking a lot!

Ohhh, there was no beer out there
Ohhh oh, you’re a shitty hare
Take some flour, and use it on trail
Ohhh oh, you’re a shitty hare
You’re a shitty hare!                    (NOTE: Simulate 80s hair band awesomeness)

6. Some Die From Masturbation

Some die from masturbation
And some from drinking beer
Some die from constipation
And some from gonorrhea

But of all the world’s diseases
There’s none that can compare
To the drip, drip, drip
Of the syphilitic prick
Of a Hash House Harrier

7. Nellie Darlin’
Note: Many hashers know the first verse and stop singing this song far too early.  Learn some of the extra verses and have some fun with this.  There are plenty more, but three verses is a good start.  Clearly, this is a great song to serenade a harriette.

Oh, your ass is like a stovepipe, Nellie darling
And the nipples on your tits are turning green
There’s a thousand flies a-swarmin’ ‘round your pussy
You’re the nastiest fucking shit I’ve ever seen

There’s a yard of lint protruding from your naval
When you piss you piss a stream as green as grass
You have enough ear wax to make a candle
Why don’t you make one and shove it up your ass?

Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon
And your ingrown toenails exude a pus-y cream
Your nose hair’s long enough to braid or curl
Your every Thirstday hasher’s fucking dream 

 8. The Scotsman

Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he drunk more than his share
He fumbled ‘round until he could no longer keep his feet
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath the kilt
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
I wonder if it’s true what they don’t wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there behold, for them to view, beneath his Scottish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth

They marveled for a moment, then one said we must be gone
Let’s leave a present for our friend, before we move along
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon, tied into a bow
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
Around the bonnie star, the Scots kilt did lift and show

Now the Scotsman woke to nature’s call and stumbled towards a tree
Behind a bush, he lift his kilt and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says to what’s before his eyes
O lad I don’t know where you been but I see you won first prize
Ring ding diddle diddle I de oh ring di diddly I oh
O lad I don’t know where you been but I see you won first prize