The Tale of the Trail
The Thirstday Hash, 19 Jun 2008 by Horn-E
The actual anniversary of the first ever hash in Chicago, 19 June, 1978.

Happy Ass Grabber picked the location, Rick's Bar at about 1000 S. Western. Not the nicest area of the city. He had an able Co-Hare in Sperm Diversion. Yeah, sure. So what could be expected from to fast hares. A long trail. We headed off to the south following the screaming of Grateful Dick to a quick Check. Assflac and Horn-E headed to the west and Assflac took the lead on to a third mark. Hearing Horn-E's horn the pack took off in pursuit. Assflac was running away with this course. We could see Assflac in the distance climbing up on some tracks and disappearing to the south. Up on the tracks was confusion and we gathered for a bit looking for marks. Horn-E spotted a Split going over to the other side and back down. Naturally he was off course. Meanwhile Lifa had short cut and was on the road to the south and spotted where the trail crossed. He was off and the trail went around this huge hill where the Idiotarod trail had a frozen beer check last Feb. But this time we ran on and hashers were seen emerging on the tracks to the south. I looked back and Mount Schwiinga looked like they were falling behind and this long freight train was stopping for them. Assflac again in the lead ran across the track to the east and down a hill. Bloody Asshole was in pursuit. We ran on to a Check at Western. Lifa headed east, Bloody Asshole headed to the north. Assflac was on to the south. He led us back up on some tracks for a quick loop and back to Western. It worked great as it helped regroup the pack. I saw EZ On The Ass and gave him a little short cut. I came out to Western and Rotten Whore was running by, waving at lonely guys in passing cars and jumping on the running boards of slow moving trucks. But no luck and she had to run on. At the next Check the trail crossed the street and continued to the south and finally into a big truck parking lot. As we ran after the leaders Assflac spotted a mark coming back. Horn-E followed this to a ramp and up on to the tracks at a station. Assflac soon passed him and as we headed west again, Grateful Dick managed a great short cut and took over the lead. But that didn't last long. We did a quick loop to some other tracks and down some steps to Western again. Heading south we finally ran down a dead end street and through a hole in the fence. Here the trail led to a wall climb. Assflac was on top pulling up Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off. Outrageous chivalry. Bloody Asshole led us through some deep nasty weeds, across tracks and another short wall. As we emerged, we ran to another corner for a Check. Bloody Asshole was to the north, but couldn't find the third mark, even though this was the eventual trail. Horn-E headed west and found nothing. Looking back, he saw everyone heading north. Paralleling led to the true trail and Bloody Asshole was finally ON and heading that way. The trail headed further north and eventually Bloody Asshole passed Horn-E and led to another Check. This time he picked north again and was wrong. Horn-E west west and was On. This led to a large park at California. Horn-E headed into the park at a Triple Split and picked wrong. The trail headed north and the pack seemed to loose the trail near a street. Horn-E was returning to the pack when he spotted arrows. Back into the park he ran with Bloody Asshole in pursuit. Eventually they emerged from the park at the north end as they followed flour on trees. Another Check had Bloody Asshole picking correctly and heading north on California with Horn-E in pursuit. At a Split he headed west and Horn-E headed north. Horn-E was on and called to the pursuing Bang Me Blow Me Get Me Off and he headed under a railroad bridge to a BN mark and into some nasty smelling scrub where he finally found the beer. The pack all seemed to get in within about five minutes. Not bad grouping for that long fast trail.
When the beer was finished we walked back to the bar, about five blocks away. The beer was soon flowing. Rhotan soon called the circle together. Horn-E got up and read a message from the founder. Nicely worded. Many down downs were called and all were chosen. Then we settled into a nice party. Others who ran included Stupid Man, Just Jeff, No Penetration, Dr. PooLittle, Soar Balls, Just Brett, Princess Labia, and a visitor, Faming Flagett from Texas. And Mudsucker showed up later.
Some comments from the new hash book. Oh, you don't know what that is. Horn-E donated a book to take down names at all of the hashes he attends and then makes it available for comments from other hashers, Some of them will be reprinted here.
Grateful Dick: Congratulations to he Chicago Hash on 30 years of hashing. Quite an amazing run. Some of my more infamous moments included the Bi-State Hash were hashers were shot at and bitten by badgers, Timber doing a header into a table and breaking it, B. O. B. getting blown in the circle. The Chicago Hash and its offshoots have been through many adventures. The CUSSS Hash and the Chicago Pornographic Web Site are my contributions.
Faming Flagett: Too Much Head for GM.
Rotton Whore: Rotton Whore is the hottest hasher ever.
But the truest comment of all came from Soar Balls: Trail sucked